Why a Woman Coaches Men in Masculinity (and Why That Actually Makes Sense)
If you’re wondering how a woman ended up coaching men in masculinity, you’re not alone.
I get the question a lot. Sometimes with curiosity. Sometimes with suspicion. Occasionally with a raised eyebrow or tone that suggests I should explain myself.
So let’s just be direct.
I’m a woman.
And I coach men in masculinity.
Not because I want to fix men.
Not because I think masculinity is broken.
And definitely not because I think men are the problem.
I do it because I understand men.
And because men are profoundly underserved.
I’ve worked with men in seven countries.
I’ve worked with PhDs, CEOs, founders, and millionaires.
I’ve worked with men experiencing homelessness.
Men navigating addiction.
Men who’ve been incarcerated — including for violent crimes.
I’ve worked with deeply sensitive men.
I’ve worked with men who fit every traditional definition of “masculine.”
And across it all, the pattern is consistent.
Most men are not dangerous.
They are guarded, ashamed, disconnected, and doing their best with tools they were never taught how to use.
Men did not grow up in a culture that taught them how to feel, communicate, co-regulate, or repair.
In many ways, we cut off their emotional legs in kindergarten — and then place them into adult relationships and wonder why they can’t walk up the stairs.
They grew up in a system that rewarded suppression, performance, endurance, and self-containment.
Those traits weren’t toxic.
They were adaptive.
They were how boys survived in a world that didn’t leave much room for their inner lives.
The problem isn’t that those strategies existed.
The problem is that no one taught men how — or when — to evolve them.
I’ll own my side of the street here.
I’ve hurt men.
I’ve been passive-aggressive.
I’ve assumed they could read my mind.
I’ve expected emotional fluency without ever teaching the language.
I’ve also been hurt by men — mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually.
And I’ll say this plainly: living in victim consciousness never felt liberating to me.
Understanding patterns did.
Hurt people hurting people isn’t a slogan.
It’s a diagnostic lens.
Once you see that, the work becomes less about blame and more about responsibility.
This is where my work actually began.
Not with ideology.
Not with gender wars.
But with a simple question:
Why are so many men hurting — and why does no one seem interested in helping them without shaming them?
That question led to the Magnetic Masculinity Podcast.
And eventually to the Magnetic Masculinity Movement.
Not to excuse harm.
Not to pedestal men.
But to create a space where men could be fully witnessed without comparison, ridicule, or constant moral indictment.
Because men do not heal when they are treated as a problem to be managed.
They heal when they are understood, resourced, and held to real standards — not performative ones.
Part of Magnetic Masculinity, the model I teach, is simple in theory and demanding in practice.
Men learning how to own their shit.
To be accountable.
Aware.
Available.
But you don’t get there by shaming men into submission.
You get there by empowering them.
After months of deep meditation, observation, and working with men in real time, I created what I call the Magnetic Masculinity Blueprint.
It’s a literal blueprint — logical enough to make sense to analytical minds, and experiential enough to actually change how men show up in their lives.
The work is about helping men transition from conditioned masculinity — inherited scripts, coping strategies, and performance — into something far more stable: authenticity, accountability, and self-awareness.
That includes learning how to identify their real wants, needs, boundaries, and values — not the ones they were told they should have, but the ones that actually drive their behavior.
Because when those remain unconscious, they don’t disappear.
They leak out sideways — as defensiveness, withdrawal, resentment, control, or confusion.
And paradoxically, learning how to name what people often label as “selfish” needs and desires is usually the antidote to self-centeredness, not the cause of it.
I unpack that more fully here — including why clarity around desire is often the fastest way out of relational harm.
I’ve explored this work extensively with physicist Tom Campbell, who openly agrees that men are underserved — and that women have a crucial role to play in helping men evolve, alongside men, not in opposition to them.
I’ve spoken at men’s groups around the world.
I was the first woman ever invited to speak at the International Worldwide Men’s Group.
Sometimes men can hear things from a regulated, grounded woman that don’t land the same way when they come from another man who is unconsciously competing, posturing, or performing.
That matters.
Somewhere along the way, something went sideways.
We started repeating the very behaviors we once said were unacceptable — just aimed in a different direction.
Mockery.
Dehumanization.
Body shaming.
Reduction to stereotypes.
Public humiliation disguised as progress.
Calling men stupid.
Calling them dangerous by default.
Treating masculinity itself as a defect.
That isn’t healing.
It’s backlash wearing a socially approved costume.
And if we don’t course-correct, we’ll raise another generation of boys who feel despised before they even begin.
When the masculine actually heals — not performs, not postures, not suppresses — humanity heals with it.
A grounded masculine becomes the container.
The action taker.
The steady presence.
Men who know how to make women feel safe — mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually — don’t diminish women.
They empower them.
And when women feel safe, children feel safe.
Families stabilize.
Communities regulate.
This isn’t ideology.
It’s systems thinking.
We don’t heal humanity by tearing men down.
We heal it by helping them rise — consciously.
That’s the work.
And I’m not stopping
We are all a part of One Consciousness
Together We Heal
Together We Rise
Together We Evolve
Love and Gratitude,
Sandy
