Installing Unshakeable Confidence.

What Change Actually Looks Like

(And Why It Took Years)

I used to think I was a burden.

Not in a dramatic way.
Not in a “please reassure me” way.

It just felt factual. Like gravity.

I assumed I was too much. Too intense. Too sensitive. Too complicated. That eventually, people would get tired of me. I didn’t call it low self-esteem at the time. I thought I was being accurate.

So when people talk about confidence now, I almost laugh. Because it didn’t show up as a moment. There was no switch. No sudden self-belief. It was a long stretch of trying things while actively doubting myself.

For a long time it was about 90% self-doubt and maybe 10% confidence. Then it shifted to 80/20. Then 70/30. Sometimes I’d feel solid for a while, clear and capable, and then crash so hard I assumed the confidence had been fake.

That back-and-forth lasted years.

What I didn’t understand then is that learning and growth are nonlinear. You don’t replace old patterns once and move on. You revisit them. Sometimes with more awareness, sometimes with none. Sometimes it feels like progress. Sometimes it feels like you’ve gone backwards. It’s neither.

The mistake I kept making was evaluating myself based on the worst moments.

If I spiraled, I assumed I was back at the beginning.

I wasn’t.

What actually changed over time was the frequency, duration, and intensity of those episodes. And I started doing something subtle but important: I made every failure evidence of effort and bravery instead of proof that something was wrong with me.

That shift mattered.

I also started caring more about what I thought than what other people thought. Not in a defensive way. In a grounded way. I began trusting my own internal feedback instead of outsourcing my sense of worth.

Confidence didn’t come from convincing myself I was “good enough” or trying to feel confident so I could finally move forward. That just turned confidence into another condition I had to meet.

Real confidence grew on top of authenticity.

I stopped trying to become a version of myself that was easier to accept and started getting honest about who I actually was, how I worked, and what I needed. That foundation mattered more than confidence ever did.

I also became genuinely willing to make mistakes.

Not as a mantra.
In real life.

Mistakes stopped meaning “I shouldn’t try.”
They started meaning “I’m learning.”

And instead of trying to get rid of my inner critic — or silence it, or fix it — I did something different.

I promoted it.

That voice developed to protect me in childhood. It wasn’t the enemy. It was outdated software still running in the background. So rather than fighting it, I upgraded it. Over time, it became more of an inner coach. Sometimes even a cheerleader.

All of this was a process. Nothing happened overnight. It was the slow installation of new software to replace what had been installed early on — patterns that made sense once, but no longer served me.

Action came long before confidence.

I took steps while unsure. I moved forward without waiting to feel ready, because ready rarely shows up first.

Now, most days, I live in a place that feels solid. Not performative. Not inflated. Just grounded. About 90% of the time. And when doubt shows up, it doesn’t erase anything. It just tells me I’m still growing.

This is also one of my genius zones: helping people build unshakable confidence on a strong foundation — not confidence as a mask for insecurity, but confidence that comes from authenticity, self-awareness, and a willingness to evolve.

Not perfection.
Not performance.
Just a real, ever-evolving human.

If you’re in the back-and-forth right now — building confidence, losing it, finding it again — that’s not a problem. That’s the process. The real one.

And it works.

If you’re navigating connection, alignment, or growth in your own life and want support, I’m here.

Together we heal.
Together we grow.
Together we evolve.

Love and gratitude,

Sandy